Enter the World of the Hamburger Roll-Hating, Turtle Sushi-Loving, Mullet Man Named Dwin

Okay, I meant to post this earlier in the week, but couldn’t get to it. My bad. But I am getting to it now, mainly because I want something good to read in 20 years when Alzheimer’s sets in and I need to be able to remember some good times that I couldn’t remember the first time.

So, I’m listening to this podcast with The Carlson. And he’s talking to Dwin. So, you know it’s probably spot-on truth all around.

Right.

Anyway, some notes I took as I’m listening along:

• In Year 2, Shaline was the one who put the cup of Dwin’s Yellow Alcoholic Drink of Death — or as most of us call it, embalming fluid — on the top of the cabinet because he didn’t want to drink it.
• Come on Dwin. You went to get a haircut the other week and the place had plumbing issues, so you didn’t get a haircut… BECAUSE THERE”S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING BARBER IN LOS FUCKING ANGELES? Excuse me?
• I left, I was not kicked out in Year 1.
• And yes I did lose chips on my way to Aaron’s apartment and people did find them for two years in flowerbeds. And yes, I came back and still beat all of you fucks.
• It wasn’t Maryann at the dorm we were going to see; it was Ginger. And you guys are still dicks.
• Going to the dorm, Dwin speaks like he thinks it’s fucking Dead Poet’s Society 1963 and that there’s “check in”. It was 1995.
• Yes, Mark was the one trying to cook the hamburger log. “It will thaw.” Nope, still won’t.
• “Nobody was standing on a goddamn turtle. It would have been sushi.” I don’t even know what we’re talking about at this point, but hey, roll with it. Get it? Sushi roll with it. Bwahaha
• There are a lot of wrestling matches that I do not remember, but other people seem to. And most of them, in their minds, include me. I think they’re fake and not true.

Oh, Dwin really? Calling people out for bleeding two stories into one? Seriously fucker? Calm on down now Sally. Let’s settle into a little thing we like to call reality.

And with that, I’m done with my comments on your comments, and at this point, you guys are only 28 minutes into a 72-minute podcast. How the fuck you got 72 minutes I do not know, but I guess I’ll listen to the rest. Just like you’ll have to. Click away here.