Oh, Red

You should have known this is what it would take. Either tits or beer — preferably both — to get me back onto the CCMP blog trail.

Now, there’s little chance that I would have any interest in a ‘country’ singer that often, as it’s just not my cup of tea. But occasionally one comes along that I can tolerate. Johnny Cash circa the 1950s and ’60s? Yessir, that is one badass mofo who I’d listen to any day. And there are probably a couple more, but of the past 20 years, there’s only really two.

One is a pretty obvious choice as he kinda crosses over to mainstream from the country world and has some decent stuff. Although I will not pay the $500 a seat to see him in Vegas when I head there in January. No, Garth Brooks is not worth that to me. But he’s pretty damn good.

The other one who, for some reason I can’t quite pin down, that I can listen to almost any day is Toby Keith. I think maybe it’s because I feel like he’s pretty normal, a regular Joe (although I’m starting to wonder if guys named Joe really are that normal anymore) who I could have a beer or 14 with.

And there it is.

Beer. The heavenly sent liquid life breather that makes my world spin… and spin… and spin.

It’s been written about in songs for centuries, back to Phineas O’McDougd in Urpanshire, Ireland in about 1462. It was a little ditty that, supposedly, had to do with his mum, a lass named Tess and the brew he stole from his dad’s workshop. Hmmm. Sounds kinda like songs about beer today.

Anyway, our man Toby here has a great new video to go with his song about my friend and yours: the beer cup. And we all know which one we’re talking about. There are only two — red and clear, and we all know when you’re tailgating in a non-alcoholic parking lot, it’s easier to conceal with the Big Red.

So, here you go in case you haven’t seen the video. As he says, “You’re more than plastic. I think you’re amazing. I think you’re fantastic.” I can only assume he is actually still talking about the Red Solo Cup and not one of the blondes in the video.

Oh, and I was kidding about the O’McDougd reference. I made that up. I have no idea when the first song about beer was written, but that’s probably as good a guess as any.

Stadium swinging

Bad baseball is one thing, but this recovered video takes it to a whole new level.

The setup: Deadspin.com found old video footage from a Red Sox game in Fenway during the mid-1990s when they sucked. The only difference from a normal game was the amount of sucking going on in the stands.

Read and watch the full thing here (video is four minutes, but once you start, you won’t be able to stop. Strange.)

The concentration of the video man here is impressive. After the initial back-to-the-field shot, he goes in for the best action in the stadium and doesn’t let up until the ‘play’ is finished. This is Sports Emmy award-winning stuff, or at the very least, I hope it was awarded for live action threesome at the AVN Awards.

Perhaps Carlson** could use his AVN subscription to look through the archives and find out. What? You don’t believe Carlson**  has a subscription? Bullshit. He has a subscription to every major porn site there is, and is even a VIP premium sugar-daddy cardholder for a couple of the biggees.

** Note: This reference can be replaced with Dwin, Boo, Philly, Cliffy, well, pretty damn well any one of you fucks who reads this.

That poor 9 percent

Not much to write here. This is more a “lookey there” post.

Check out this pictorial of Alice Goodwin. Good god Goodwin.

Here’s the thing:

Who the fuck is in the 9 percent who gave the thumbs down? Unless you’re a blind retarded mute goat whore, there’s less than no chance that you wouldn’t at least be tempted by the curves and tan and curves and …. mmmmmmmm.

Anyway, give that link a look. It’s worth the time.

Smoke this

There are times when you’re surfing the Google box and you just know you’ve found a site you need to bookmark. I mean, come on, it’s why you search for “Bacon” 13 times a day, right?

Well, there’s other good things that come from the Internet. Like Facebook. Why, you ask? Well, obviously, it’s because there is Playboy on FB and it gives you good links to check out and sites to see. Much like surfing for “kinds of cheese soup”.

And this week it gave me a nice reminder of thesmokingjacket.com. This site is being added the links on the left and should be frequented by you.

Why, you ask? Well, mainly, you ask because you’re a nosey motherfucker.

But why is it great? Well, that’s because it gives us wonderful stories and images, especially images, images like this pretty lovely, Jessica-Jane Clement.

You’re welcome. You may now go use your Google box to find out more about her, or just click here (and make sure to check out her two awesome tattoos).