Year 2, or better known to all of us as ‘Aaron should be ashamed’

Yukon Pete, the Neckshot and the introduction of Bitch.

These topics are sacred ground for the Symposium and the full content of these events will never be revealed. But, like all state secrets, they’ll eventually end up on Wikileaks, so why not just get some of it out on our terms?

Well, I’m sure that’s Carlson’s reasoning, being the impressive PR genius that he is.

The bigger thing is this: Has he been keeping a journal this whole time? Where’s he coming up with all these things to talk about?

Like the King of the Schmack? I’d forgotten about that 12 years ago, but he pops it out like he just watched the video of the weekend last night. [Editor’s Note: If there is actual video of this event, I will offer you $1,000,000,000, 067 for it. If you won’t sell, I will hunt you down. It will be mine–and then burned.]

Anyway, he’s obviously been taking notes without telling anyone. Well, all except the ‘The Bluff’ which, obviously, there’s no way Carlson could ever forget it. Well played, sir, well played.

So, anyway, here you go. Year 2 of the Symposium, complete with new segments and sound effects. No seriously, Carlson is so technologically advanced he put in sound effects.

I’ll be honest here, I’m impressed. And scared. Very scared.

Listen here

Whiskey and wine

As I sit here and type this, I have to admit something to you: I’m out of shape.

No, I’m not RJ or Rush out of shape — and yes, they are basically the same person now, just a foot apart. I’m out of shape in the sense of not drinking much — gasp — beer lately. See, since I’m doing the Tough Mudder next month down here in Georgia, I’ve been trying to run and work out. The running has been going good, the working out hasn’t worked out that well. But I decided when I started training that I was going to lay off the beer.

Notice, I did not say booze. Just beer.

Between Oct. 1 and Jan. 4, I had a total of four beers. Normal size, not gallons or kegs. Just four beers in little more than three months. Granted, that’s a total I normally consumed on a Tuesday while walking between the couch and the bathroom, but just like that I shut it down.

I’ve had a few more since, especially when I was on the road for the FCS and BCS championship games. Sitting in airports waiting for planes pretty much requires at least two beers just to feel alright — and I love flying and have no fears about it.  But that was mostly the first time for drinking in months.

Don’t think I completely gave up manliness altogether. Or at least as much as I ever had. I actually picked up a different habit. I’ve started drinking wine and whiskey. Not together, although, now that I think of it….

No, I started drinking wine since we grill out a couple times a week and I wanted something else to drink with my steak or chops or fish. So, I’ve been digging around and found a couple different brands and kinds (love pinot grigio, not so big on pinot noir, but can handle some merlot; pretty happy with Barefoot and Fish Eye, two relatively cheap kinds).

That’s left me with a few headaches after downing a bottle a night several times. Which led me to start drinking Crown Royal and Cokes. It’s smoother and, as I found out Thursday, it’s easier to pass out and not wake up with any after affects other than a crink in the neck from sleeping in my chair.

I just poured a Crown and Coke and it reminded me of this video, because I’m so out of shape this guy would kill me. I just saw it today and am thinking of inviting him to the Symposium.

What do you think? Can anyone top this?

Oh, Red

You should have known this is what it would take. Either tits or beer — preferably both — to get me back onto the CCMP blog trail.

Now, there’s little chance that I would have any interest in a ‘country’ singer that often, as it’s just not my cup of tea. But occasionally one comes along that I can tolerate. Johnny Cash circa the 1950s and ’60s? Yessir, that is one badass mofo who I’d listen to any day. And there are probably a couple more, but of the past 20 years, there’s only really two.

One is a pretty obvious choice as he kinda crosses over to mainstream from the country world and has some decent stuff. Although I will not pay the $500 a seat to see him in Vegas when I head there in January. No, Garth Brooks is not worth that to me. But he’s pretty damn good.

The other one who, for some reason I can’t quite pin down, that I can listen to almost any day is Toby Keith. I think maybe it’s because I feel like he’s pretty normal, a regular Joe (although I’m starting to wonder if guys named Joe really are that normal anymore) who I could have a beer or 14 with.

And there it is.

Beer. The heavenly sent liquid life breather that makes my world spin… and spin… and spin.

It’s been written about in songs for centuries, back to Phineas O’McDougd in Urpanshire, Ireland in about 1462. It was a little ditty that, supposedly, had to do with his mum, a lass named Tess and the brew he stole from his dad’s workshop. Hmmm. Sounds kinda like songs about beer today.

Anyway, our man Toby here has a great new video to go with his song about my friend and yours: the beer cup. And we all know which one we’re talking about. There are only two — red and clear, and we all know when you’re tailgating in a non-alcoholic parking lot, it’s easier to conceal with the Big Red.

So, here you go in case you haven’t seen the video. As he says, “You’re more than plastic. I think you’re amazing. I think you’re fantastic.” I can only assume he is actually still talking about the Red Solo Cup and not one of the blondes in the video.

Oh, and I was kidding about the O’McDougd reference. I made that up. I have no idea when the first song about beer was written, but that’s probably as good a guess as any.

Stadium swinging

Bad baseball is one thing, but this recovered video takes it to a whole new level.

The setup: Deadspin.com found old video footage from a Red Sox game in Fenway during the mid-1990s when they sucked. The only difference from a normal game was the amount of sucking going on in the stands.

Read and watch the full thing here (video is four minutes, but once you start, you won’t be able to stop. Strange.)

The concentration of the video man here is impressive. After the initial back-to-the-field shot, he goes in for the best action in the stadium and doesn’t let up until the ‘play’ is finished. This is Sports Emmy award-winning stuff, or at the very least, I hope it was awarded for live action threesome at the AVN Awards.

Perhaps Carlson** could use his AVN subscription to look through the archives and find out. What? You don’t believe Carlson**  has a subscription? Bullshit. He has a subscription to every major porn site there is, and is even a VIP premium sugar-daddy cardholder for a couple of the biggees.

** Note: This reference can be replaced with Dwin, Boo, Philly, Cliffy, well, pretty damn well any one of you fucks who reads this.

That poor 9 percent

Not much to write here. This is more a “lookey there” post.

Check out this pictorial of Alice Goodwin. Good god Goodwin.

Here’s the thing:

Who the fuck is in the 9 percent who gave the thumbs down? Unless you’re a blind retarded mute goat whore, there’s less than no chance that you wouldn’t at least be tempted by the curves and tan and curves and …. mmmmmmmm.

Anyway, give that link a look. It’s worth the time.

Smoke this

There are times when you’re surfing the Google box and you just know you’ve found a site you need to bookmark. I mean, come on, it’s why you search for “Bacon” 13 times a day, right?

Well, there’s other good things that come from the Internet. Like Facebook. Why, you ask? Well, obviously, it’s because there is Playboy on FB and it gives you good links to check out and sites to see. Much like surfing for “kinds of cheese soup”.

And this week it gave me a nice reminder of thesmokingjacket.com. This site is being added the links on the left and should be frequented by you.

Why, you ask? Well, mainly, you ask because you’re a nosey motherfucker.

But why is it great? Well, that’s because it gives us wonderful stories and images, especially images, images like this pretty lovely, Jessica-Jane Clement.

You’re welcome. You may now go use your Google box to find out more about her, or just click here (and make sure to check out her two awesome tattoos).