Grammar lessons

There are so many things that I learn every day. I’m not the brightest guy, nor am I Adam. So it’s nothing unique for me to pick up a few things new to my vocabulary or knowledge base almost every day.

These CCMPodcasts are information overload. Holy. Shit.

Did you know that reality equals royalty? Or that ‘evolutionize’ is a word?

I did not. But I know it now after listening to another round of Carlson. Yes, he’s now just a one-named man, completely forgoing any first name. So I’m assuming he’ll show up this year in a purple jumpsuit with sparkly pendants and such emblazoned in a big C on his chest.

God. Help. Us.

A couple other observations from the fourth installment of The Carlson:

• This series is not for kids. No really, while you might think The Carlson would be tame enough that maybe a teenage son or nephew could listen, it’s not for anyone young or squeamish.
• It seems that you can play the Land of the Lost theme and instantly anyone in our age group will know that means you’re transporting through a time warp back to a previous existence.
• I totally have to piss every time he plays that click effect intro to From the men’s room
• The Carlson obviously doesn’t have a kid. Yeah, I know I’m not one to talk on this, but, in four short episodes, he took us from “infancy” to “teenage years.” There was no terrible 2s or fearsome 4s. It was right outta the big V and straight into Driver’s Ed. Eh, then again, I guess that’s about right.

This podcast will also give you insight into Cliffy’s aversion for kids books and confirm that The Carlson will not give up his quest for everyone to drink butt rum.

Farmboy is introduced as well, and there’s other tidbits you’ll enjoy like hetero-life mates, Big Sexy’s adventure with the Golden Tee and The Adventures of Buttwoman and Wonder Wench.

I personally enjoyed hearing about this softball game of Tony’s that we apparently went to before the Symposium started this year. I find it comical that The Carlson would actually think we could talk about what was said and why we fought seeing as I was thinking to myself, “I wonder why I came down late because I didn’t go to this softball game he’s talking about” until minutes later when I heard that I was actually there and it’s the reason he brought it up.

Hmm, who knew?

Lastly, I’ll leave you with another reason the world will be coming to an end soon: The Carlson’s vocabulary has expanded so far that, seemingly off the cuff, The Carlson used the word ‘liaison’ in the proper context and with the correct pronunciation.

Amazingly, even with all this detail on what The Carlson has to say, I haven’t given away everything. So you’ll just have to listen for yourself to CCMPodcast Year 4 — 1998.

Where are our Superheros?

Well, there it is. It’s official.

Mark today, April 29, 2011, as the day the fucking world went to hell.

I remember back in the day–“the day” being in the 1970s when we grew up on Eight is Enough, Three’s Company and Monday Night Football–when being politically correct meant that you went to the polls on Voting Day and didn’t knock over the little booth.

Not any more.

Now, everything and everyone needs to be PC. It’s complete bullshit, and quite honestly, it doesn’t fit into the credo of the CCMP.

We don’t discriminate against anyone about anything, except chicks–they count just as much as they should… in the sack and in the kitchen–but we also don’t expect anything to be politically correct either. You’re fat, we’re going to make fat jokes. You’re bald, we’re going to make bald jokes. You’re a homo, well, we’ll make Adam jokes.

But there’s no room for political correctness in the Legion Hall. But apparently there’s plenty of room for it in the one last true and honest form of childhood expression… cartoons.

Way back when, you had ridiculous cartoons that took themselves just as seriously as they should… not at all. They could be completely sexist and ageist and no one cared. It wasn’t that people thought it was right to be sexist or ageist. It was that it was just a joke, back when a joke was a joke.

Today, that’s obviously out the window. And pretty close to off this planet.

In an Associated Press story yesterday, it seems that Superman is renouncing his U.S. Citizenship because there’s too much bellyaching around the world about how he’s pushing the American agenda.

Two things here:

1) really? This shit is worthy of a fucking AP story when this writer could have been covering some political coverup or a To Catch a Predator special?

And 2) when did Superman become a pussy?

I mean, the Superman I knew, the one who fought Brainiac, Mister Mxyzptlk and, obviously, Lex Luthor, never seemed to care what others thought. He didn’t care about public perception and definitely didn’t let people in foreign countries dictate his philosophy on saving the world.

Outside of four days at the end of June in a modern day form of the League of Justice in west central Illinois, where have our Supermen gone?